When we expect more from ourselves than we are able to accomplish? When we set goals for ourselves (often without our being aware of it) and those goals have not been met? When we feel that others want more from us than we were able to provide? Low self esteem?
In general, perhaps depression is related to not living up to expectations of ourselves. We can note when others are disappointed. This feeling pervades our very being, with difficulty letting go of it.
I’ve experienced depression in my youth and as an adult. I’ve had a greater awareness of a benefic power greater than myself, but I was not able to integrate the sense of well-being that I know is/was present into my life and experiences.
I felt that I did not live up to my parents’ expectations of me. I internalized this feeling. The end result was having the sense that my dog died. Maybe not today, but yesterday. Every day. Some days worse than others. An underlying sense of sadness became part of who I thought I was. It had become my cloak; my identity.
Kick the Habit
Let me tell you how I was able to “kick the habit” of feeling sad:
- I became aware of how I was judging myself
- I realized I have a choice in how I feel
- It is my choice as to how to react to others
- Aware of my expectations of myself that I placed, as well as others
- Kindness toward myself
- Forgiveness
I often see others who feel depressed because they can no longer do what they normally would, and they keep their expectations of themselves the same, even though their illness prevents them from doing what they would have done. If they could, they would.
If they could do what they had previously, they would. Why do we continue to expect ourselves to do the things we had when we are no longer able to?
Rocks in the Path?
We encounter rocks along our path, roots, too, but let’s think of the rocks. We find challenges which are the rocks along our path called life. This is our life situation: to encounter difficulties. I feel that it is our responsibility, our calling in life to respond to these rocks with equanimity. We learn to experience the challenges as opportunities. It becomes a chance to feel more awakened and aware to the present moment. How does it make me feel? How can I lose or release the story line that often goes along with it?
When we become aware of what is bothering us, we become irritated, let’s say. We become irritated by the challenge. Life is not as I had expected. This moment is not what I want. We become less than enamored with the situation, and we want it to change. That’s an irritation, right?
Example:
I burned the cookies. I become irritated that I spent time making them, and they are not what I expected. I see the cookies burnt. I enjoy cookies and they are not what I want. I want to change what is.
This irritation becomes an opportunity. I accept that the cookies are burnt. I can decide to compost them, or determine if they are salvageable. Noticing my irritation allows me to bring myself back to the moment. The feeling of irritation is a signal to myself that I am not accepting this moment for what it is, and that I want to change it.
Example:
I turned off the car in the parking lot. I thought that I placed my car in park. I did not. Once I lift the pedal off the brake, my car begins to go hitting a wall. Now I am feeling more than irritation. My car continues to travel and I am able to stop the car.
I am now feeling many things, but the primary emotion is fear. Fear of spending money and of not having enough (money). If I claim the accident on my insurance, my car insurance will go up.
I decide that I do not want to live this way; to allow my feelings of not having enough (money) interfere with my life. I make plans to travel to see my family; to not be concerned about the cost.
Later in the year, my mother in law becomes ill. My husband and I are required to use our savings to pay for her medical bills. Spending money, especially large amounts is challenging for me. It has become my path to spend the money more freely, to let the money go, but also to release my fear, In this way, I decrease my attachment to money.
Awareness
Awareness to the situation arises when we feel what is bothering us. Accepting that what is occurring to us is part of our life now. Knowing that we have choices to feel the way we do is an active part of developing solutions to revise the problem to make it better.
What have we chosen to do? How can we view it in a more positive light? What is our role in increasing our awareness to how we feel?
We can make our lives better. When we feel better, we encourage others to feel the same. We assist each other along our paths, helping to make this world a stronger, more positive place for us to live.
We have many challenges to overcome. These difficulties are often overwhelming. Know that the power is within you to accept the challenge and to chose what to do about it. It is these challenges that give life meaning. It is how we grow, evolve and become better people for it. Be aware to your needs and the needs of those around you. They, too, are doing their part in becoming who they are meant to be.
