- “You’ll get lost!”
- “You can hurt someone!”
- “No one wants to drive with you.”
These are all valid reasons for why your loved one should not drive. Reasoning with your loved one causes disagreements.
Providing Reasons Causes Arguments
Although your loved one looks and sounds like they normally do, it is important to remember that your loved one has had memory loss, a stroke or brain injury which interferes with their reasoning skills. This leads to:
- Problems reasoning
- your loved one is unable to see the negatives in achieving their desire.
- Your loved one talks about it nearly non-stop
- Discounting other views.
- Doesn’t see the danger or the problems.
Ten Tips to Improve Communication:
- Blame someone else. “The doctor says that you cannot drive.” Your loved one may benefit from hearing this many times.
2. Distract. Tell me about your first car. Where did you go? Who went with you?
3. Keep the conversation light-hearted. “You don’t like my driving?” “I enjoy taking you places. It gives me something to do.”
4. Make plans. “I’m happy to take you! Where do you want to go?” Make plans to go places where your loved one can go.
5. Keep busy. “I need your help!” Allow your loved one to help, even if it takes longer. Folding towels and matching socks are great activities to allow your loved one assist you.
6. Visual reminders. Put the keys and car away. Seeing the keys reminds your loved one about their desire.
7. Be Prepared. Your loved one looks and talks like they used to. It is easy to be caught off guard. Have a plan of distractions, and what to say when you want to argue.
8. Agree when you can. Then, be ready to distract. “I wish you could, too. It’s time for lunch. Do you want grilled cheese or a salad?”
9. Show concern. “I love you. I want you to be safe.”
10. Respond to the emotion under the words. What is your loved one really saying underlying the words, “why can’t I drive?” Perhaps your loved one is saying:, “I have many desires. I want my life back the way it used to be. I want to be free and happy.”
Video for Family Members:
Below are tips to improve communication. Also, you may watch my video I have created for family members: “Why Can’t I Drive?” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U9ldlurP8BY
Show that you care and understand. Give the gift of listening to your loved one.
Have you ever heard, “no one listens to me!” In the next post, I will talk about one thing you can do to make sure your loved one feels heard and understood. It is a powerful gift that you can provide!
